A healthy man wants 1000 things, a sick man only wants one. ~ Confucius
Have you ever made a promise to yourself/your Higher Power: Oh man, when I'm well again, I'm really going to embrace every minute, every day, and I'm going to work hard to stay healthy etc...? Well, you're not alone, I think we all do that to some extent. And when I say it, I have every intention of keeping my word. Then - life falls back into the old pattern and so do I. Plus, I can become very fond of my old feelings of sad, mad, glad and generally out of sorts. I call them "binkies" aka baby pacifiers. They lull me into time off and a nap. And best of all - time to imbibe in some complaining. mmmm yum.
I get what I've heard referred to as a "misshapen pleasure" from complaining. It ticks a couple of boxes that have a payoff too. Like, the focus is on me and my ________. A certain yummy self-centeredness that is good for a couple of hours of "The Me Show". All About Me, directed by Me, starring Me. Oy. I have to laugh at the goofy stuff I can come up with to fill the Me time. I don't even use the excuse that I'm a procrastinator anymore. It's an insult to people who are truly procrastinating! So, why do I do it? I think it's because I'm human. Yep. I am a human being who does human things and is in the same soup with other humans, and I like it. What I don't like is when it's an illness - like Covid which I had last December, and I don't know how long it's going to last. Or the concussion I got in February and didn't feel right till late May. BTW, did you know you can be walking around with a concussion and not even know it? Yep.
I had a few things that took me out of the game for almost 4 months at the beginning of the year, and it scared me. And I'm profoundly grateful for all the care I received and that I kept the promise to take better care of myself seriously. What I learned for myself is that it takes courage to heal. Courage faith and patience. Because a part of me - my little kid - still thinks when we get sick that we're always going to feel like this and not going to get better. But adults know that healing takes time. But Enlightened Masters teach that healing can happen quickly but that it takes many forms, and doesn't always look like we think it will look.
Just for today, I'm good, I'm a little sleepy and it's been a day full of computer work and sending out ships. And I'm profoundly grateful I'm going to the fitness center to move, then coming home to make dinner and watch some Bosch Legacy. Livin' the dream baby. That's no joke.